FooLin-A-Round

Well EVERYONE in the world has some type of WHACK sense of humor so I am going to try to put some cool stuff here of my own and Favorites I find through out the Net.

Lessons I've Learned...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more fucked up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think your finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be alot of money to take its place.

I've learned that people you expect to kick you when your down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken from you to soon and all the less important ones never go away.

Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their breasts stared at.

Crying is blackmail. Yet effective!

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us oogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - NOT BOTH.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.

Nothing says "I love you" like sex.

One Liners...

"Reality is a crutch for people that cant handle drugs."

"Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."

"I used to have a handle on life till it broke."

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

"If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, 'Quit while you're ahead'?"

Confucius Say....

• Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.
• Confucius say, Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.
• Confucius say, Wife who puts man in dog house may find him in cat house.
• Confucius say, Virgin like balloon — one prick, all gone.
• Confucius say, Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
• Confucius say, Man who lays girl on hillside is not on the level.
• Confucius say, Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.
• Confucius say, Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
• Confucius say, Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
• Confucius say, Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
• Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
• Confucius say, Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Confucius say, Man who finger girl having period get caught red-handed.
• Confucius say, Baseball got it all wrong — man with four balls cannot walk.
• Confucius say, Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
• Confucius say, Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.